Parenting During Covid
The real victims and long term damage caused by governments decision to shut down the world is the children.
The kids of today are the future adults who will run this world in another 10 or 20 years need help, and so I want to offer my experience and knowledge of decades of study and mentoring kids and adults, because the innocent victims of the foolish actions of the governments, and their parents are going crazy not knowing what to do.
This is a long article because it requires a preamble of the situation and fundamental information to make the useful and practical information clear. I hope you will read with a patient and open mind, and that this article provides parents and children solutions to the problems of the 'new normal’ which is not normal at all.
There is no hope of communication and resolution,
Without clear and sincere understanding of how the other person feels.
By preventing kids of all ages, toddlers to teenagers, from going to school and socializing, their mental and emotional development is not only being stunted but severely and possibly permanently damaged.
The younger kids who have not begun to understand the requirements of adult life which includes making money and thus needing a job, are simply adapting to a life of isolation as they learn what life on earth is like as a human, while the older kids are losing motivation and hope for their chances of ever getting a job or being able to have enough money to survive and live a decent life on their own.
The core nature of a human being is companionship. Our greatest and most necessary food is contact with other people. Our mind needs that for mental and intellectual stimulation, which triggers many chemicals in our brain bringing a positive and motivational feeling of excitement.
Our emotions need that to provide a sense of purpose and belonging, and our body needs that as clearly exhibited by children who are always touching and needing the hugs and cuddles of their parent, which of course continues throughout our life.
The idea of standing two meters away from anyone, the horrid fear of being near anyone in an elevator or standing in a shop as if you will die if you get too close, even if you do not believe in that, is effecting everyone on a subconscious level. As an adult who knows better you can deal with it very differently than a child who does not know how life could and should be like, but sees this as how it will always be. That view is severely depressing and hopeless.
Fear of terrorism used to grip part of the world, and now fear of death from a virus that is actually only being blamed for one fraction of one percent of the people who get it, which is a fraction of a fraction of the global population as most people do not get sick even when sleeping with someone who has it, shows that the fear is of an imaginary monster that does not really exist. We cannot fight the invisible imagination, that adds to more hopelessness and depression.
Yet, we are being fed and led to fear everyone, even breathing outdoors in nature where people often still wear a mask. If you are scared to breath, where is there a moment of peace and comfort?
Imagine how a young mind which is trying to understand this already bizarre world is developing it’s view of life? Hold your breath every time you go outside!
And so, with this fear, isolation and hopelessness as the overwhelming concept that this is how the world works and what the child has to adapt to and live in, how can anyone expect children to be motivated and well behaved and actually be focused and follow their school lessons on line while home alone?
When people are lost and depressed, they will turn to anything that can numb the pain. Normally that is drugs, alcohol, smoking, etc. But now we have a new drug, which is far more socially acceptable but can be just as destructive; computer games and the smart phone with social media.
THE CHILD’S POINT OF VIEW
The first step is to know that you do not know anything. Something happens when a person becomes a parent. Their memory of what it was like to be a child is totally erased. All the needs, feelings, thoughts, fears, desires, and the basic view of day to day life is gone. In fact, most people do not recall what they felt when they were born and the first decade of their life.
Additionally, as the world has changed so much with the advent of smartphones and internet and games, even if the parent remembered the feelings of being a child, that does not totally relate to the feelings of the child growing up today.
I have travelled and lived in 90 countries, studying people of all ages in the different religions and cultures. The interesting thing, which maybe you know, is that when a child is born, it does not matter where they are or their family or religion, we are all the same.
Needing love and touch, food and comfort, stop the pain of teething, wanting to play and learn new things, curious, courageous, or foolish, living each moment as what we are, which is an alien in a strange world and needing to understand how things work on this bizarre planet so we can survive.
Do you remember how it felt? Even if you do not, you can imagine what it must feel like to pop out of the womb into the bright lights and noises, feeling hunger and pain, isolation, fear, confusion, and that does not change for quite a while.
One thing is certain, we did not come out thinking about being a doctor or lawyer or racing cars. We did not come out with a plan of travelling the world, buying a big house and having lots of money. But now, that is all you think about.
And what does that kid see today? 'There is no chance of getting any of that. But, I live at home and do not have to think about those things because my parents provide everything, including a computer, smartphone and super fast internet.’
’I am being educated on line, so that is my world, looking at the screen, and not another human being. Food is served when I am hungry, cloths are provided, cleaning service is done with laundry washed, folded and put back in my room.’
Given the life the kids are living at home, considering the prospects of growing up and being on their own, is there any wonder they want to avoid facing their parents who are telling them to study and prepare for their future? 'What future?’
Would you want to face the future that they see ahead of them when all the necessities are provided without effort? Why face pain and a depressing empty future when you can stick your head in the sand. Be like a three year old, close your eyes and they cannot see you.
Where will you turn? To what you need the most. Companions who understand you and are in the same situation as you are.
How will you find them? Through the only venues allowed, the internet.
Where will you find friends like you? In the playground. (which is now on line video games)
Focus on the screen and put on the headphones and lose yourself in the world that provides everything you need. Companions, intellectual stimulation, mental challenge, competition to give you motivation, a limited but still partial physical interaction, an adrenalin rush, a sense of achievement when you win, and friends to celebrate your win with.
This section will be complete but only a brief explanation of the principles, otherwise, this article will become a book, and I already have written books and teach courses on this method, which take several hours to complete. If you like what you are reading, please contact me and we can arrange to go deeper into the work of how to change the direction of your and your children’s life.
What I will say here is not a blanket totalitarian rule. There are always exceptions to every rule, and there are always variations to everything, but we have to start with a foundation and guidelines. In order to build a ship or a plane to travel the world, you have to build it in a sealed dry dock or hanger. And so, the information I will present is a factory building to build a mind and personality that can travel not just in this world, but with the imagination to create new things that do not yet exist.
Every human being can be classified in one of three character types; Intellectual, Emotional and Physical. We all have aspects of each of these three qualities, however, the percentage of each varies with each person. The one that is strongest and has the greater percentage is the chief character of that person.
Depending on your chief character, you will be suited to a different type of work. For example, an emotional type is not suited to being a lawyer, but rather an artist. A physical person would not be happy at a desk job. You can extrapolate all the various combinations.
Intellectuals are lawyers, accountants, engineers. Emotionals are artists, musicians, inventors, councillors. Physical are sports people or perhaps a landscaper, builder, etc.
People with a close balance of two characters, for example an Intellectual/Emotional person would be a product engineer who designs new products, such as the designers of a Ferrari or a luxury yacht, or an architect designing luxury homes, a mix of invention and beauty in design with the practical aspects of making a machine work. Or, a specialist doctor who is intellectual enough to learn how the body works, yet is compassionate enough to make their patient feel safe and have hope.
Again, you can extrapolate the possibilities, which is a very good exercise for you to do to let these concepts open your mind to greater possibilities.
THE METHOD TO FIND YOUR CHARACTER AND THAT OF YOUR CHILD
When we are very young, under the age of six to ten, more or less, we play with things, and we tend to have a preference for one toy or game more than others. If you are an adult doing this for yourself, which everyone should, ask your parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, anyone who was with you when you were a kid, and ask them what they remember about your preferences. If you are the parent of a young child, you will know what your child likes to do.
This will show ones nature. Now you can focus on a direction, although at this point, it is still very open, and we will go deeper into that later on. One case I will present as example is a 10 year old boy who was having so much difficulty in school achieving good marks that the parent, a single mother who wanted to be sure her some would have a good life, sent him to extra tuition after school for maths and other such subjects. Yet, all that did not significantly help him improve his grades.
I had a talk with the child and as an outsider who did not have any attachment to his schooling, spoke to him as a 10 year old would talk to a 10 year old, basically, on an equal level at HIS level. It is important to mention that you cannot think you are talking at the level of a 10 year old when you are an adult knowing you are an adult. I mean, you cannot follow certain rules or guidelines that the child psychologist told you to do and follow some method. You must BE a 10 year old. Although this is easy for me to do, it seems virtually impossible for most adults to do.
I attribute my ability to my other practices of eliminating the self-centred ego. That is an entirely different topic and direction of work that I also teach so I will not go into that in this article, however I want to mention it because you know how it feels when someone is faking trying to understand you, to show they know how you feel when you know they have no idea and they are fake. This is another problem parents have in communicating with their children, they are not sincerely compassionate and seeing life from the kid’s point of view, even though they imagine they are.
Being selfless means there is no you, no opinions or fixed thoughts of your own, but rather, you can fully immerse your mind and feelings into the other person’s life.
After talking to the boy, I found out what he likes. Do you remember what it was like to make friends? Or if you are single what do you talk about when getting to know someone? You will always ask; what do you like to do? Or a child will ask, what are your favourite games? This boy loved to draw and even at his young age, he loved to cook.
Of course he could not do well in the intellectual courses regardless of how much extra tuition he received out of the love of his mother, he was an emotional natured person being force fed intellectual training.
The mind eats knowledge and information. Imagine eating your favourite food. Now, imagine being forced to eat a food you hate and are disgusted by. Now ask yourself what it means to love your child? Physical food has different nutrients and requires balance and variety, but mental food is not the same. When it comes to mental food, we are more like animals, you cannot make a lion into a vegetarian, nor an elephant eat meat.
By the way, that is a common mistake that parents make and that I point out in my courses on parenting. When the parent is frustrated that their five year old does not understand what they want them to do and behave the way they want, they eventually get upset and scream; „Why can’t you understand me!” Well, I have to ask, who is the fool? The kid is FIVE, of course they cannot understand what the adult is talking about because it refers to information that only an adult has experienced and thus only an adult can understand. You cannot expect a five or ten year old understand they have to study so they will get a good job and have money to pay the bills. They do not really understand what 'bills’ are yet. Money comes out of an ATM. Just go the machine and get some more.
NARROWING DOWN THE POSSIBILITIES
It is very important that when your kid has an idea to do something, it does not matter what you think if it will work or be good or bad or success or failure, you have to encourage them and do it with them. If you keep saying no to their ideas, of course they will eventually give up trying to do anything.
Once you have determined the main character and nature of the person, regardless of age, we can narrow down the type of things that person will enjoy. This is the point the parent has to be a good parent and put the nature of their child ahead of what they think is the right thing to do.
When you plan out your child’s life, you make the same mistake that the father and grandfather, both lawyers, of one of my old clients in the photography lab made. My client became a lawyer as was expected to carry on the family tradition, and shortly after he started practicing, he became fatally ill. The doctor told him to stop working for about a year to recover. During that time, he had nothing to do, so he played with his interest in photography, and miraculously fully recovered within months. Needless to say, he chose being a photographer instead of the death sentence of being a lawyer. His parents and grandparents loved him very much, but their typical 'parent knows best’ attitude would have killed this man before the age of 30.
Do you want you child to be rich or, happy and healthy? There is no reason they cannot be both, but happy and healthy has to come first.
Once you have found the childhood preferences, you can expand or be creative in finding professions or ways to make money that are somehow related to them. If you cannot figure that out by yourself, send me the list and I will give you some direction.
I have owned companies in over 20 different fields, and consulted in over 100 because I do not have one particular interest. I have been accused of not being able to commit, but in reality I have one very clear and specific talent, which is to build and create new things. When I was a kid, I loved to build things out of anything I could. I used toothpicks and built a very large structure, not that is was anything special, but the point was I built something from nothing by using my imagination.
I never had an interest in a particular field of work that I could devote my life to, but that did not mean that I was hopeless or could not focus, it just meant that I had to find the right expression of a character that likes to build, rather than stay in one place. It turned out that I build companies, for myself and as a consultant to help other people do that. You could say I was a problem child who did not want to go to school and stopped at high school, but I owned eight companies at the age of 25.
What does your child like to do? What is it about that thing that feeds them, based on the basic human needs we discussed above? What can you help your child, or yourself find, that will feed those needs and also be a way to make money and provide a good life and future for them, but most importantly, make the current child into a future healthy and happy adult who will raise their own amazing children.
If you live in fear, and instil fear in your children, they will grow up with fear as their lifelong master and companion.
In closing I would like you to think about a world in which everyone is scared to get closer than two meters to anyone else, where we are all afraid that taking a breath of air may kill you, where we are so isolated emotionally that there is no motivation or hope that life can be lived according to our natural instincts and desires because this is the only world you know, where the streets and shops are empty because they are all bankrupt, where people are hungry and cannot get food because there are no jobs, where everyone lives in a virtual world communicating only via social media, where we never see a smile because everyone is wearing a mask.
Can you imagine how a two year old is feeling when they cannot see people’s expression and smile? The kid does not know what a mask is, it only knows what a smile is, and there is no smile. How can that person eat? They don’t have a mouth.
I hope I have scared you enough to take action, and get the kids out to play with each other, and learn not just what they learn in school, but how to be a free and happy human being.
Parenting During Covid